the big unknown - refresh


And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about. -- Haruki Murakami, Kafka on The Shore

there were five of us in that karaoke room, singing out loud to every song, eating big fat prawns off the buffet tables, stuffed. you can't beat the song choices of a bunch of 90s kids, i can tell you that. one song after another, each brought back so much memories and that made the night a little bittersweet. i was munching on an asparagus stalk(?!) when a colleague of mine said, oh Sharon, i'm gonna miss you and your rabbit food. i chuckled. it's a little ironic that we meet people, get to know them, maybe learn something new and one day, maybe we won't see each other again. that happens a lot, no? i've met lots of good people in my career, and i've attended quite a number of farewell parties like this, i watched people leave. life happens.

here's what this is about -- my last day at work was the 30th of june. i hit that reset button, i'm starting over. could've stayed, but i didn't. it was obvious that i needed to walk away. so here's to the big unknown, but for now, i'll stay still because that's what i need. i'll run at the park every morning if i could make it before the rain pours, i'll practice my headstand in the afternoon and build that arm strength i've been babbling about, i'll be present.

p.s i did sing a full-blown 4 Non Blondes "What's Up" and i hope no one's traumatized :)

happy list - hey June


Because there’s nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline, no matter how many times it’s sent away. -- Sarah Kay

a happy list, mid-June. it's the little things.

1. sticky rice dumplings (bakchang) from Ken's mum made my week. it's my absolute favorite
2. an unplanned trip to Kinokuniya + new books yay
3. conversations about the future
4. making holiday plans
5. changes at work. end of a torturous night shift routine
6. Sarah Kay's poems
7. rain for days
8. mornings spent swimming in the pool

happy weekend x

dear isobel


Maybe it meant something. Maybe not, in the long run, but no explanation, no mix of words or music or memories can touch that sense of knowing that you were there and alive in that corner of time and the world. Whatever it meant.
-- Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

just a moment ago i thought of the first time i heard Dido's intoxicating voice and how i used to listen to her songs over and over again for hours. when days are free and easy and makes much more sense, though right now it does, really, i was just thinking how things tend to happen not the way we want it to be, when we get older. it's a little scary - we make plans and tries hard to make things happen, eventually, they don't, not always. sometimes anxieties got over me, thinking there's not enough time for everything to be done with.

i was in a train on my way back from work once with a lady standing behind me, talking to her crowd of friends loudly, in a way that everyone could actually hear her cursing, how her days unfold and her years spent in a certain place brought nothing but a heartache. working to please and perhaps climb that ladder, project by project, year by year with an entry level salary, so bad that she's convinced she'll be replaced by a young lass soon enough -- and she'll get nothing in the end. it's bloody hard work. i could hear it in her tone that she's had enough of it, she's reached the edge and so it's time to jump. to a better place without an ounce of care.

i could relate to that.

why we do it really, i couldn't remember. i do remember sitting in my room in college, trying to program the hand of a robot to move the way i want it to -- happily, at 2am in the morning. i do remember singing out loud on a Sunday morning, with friends racing our way to the netball court. maybe i'm stuck in those years, because sometimes in these recent years, i couldn't relate to myself that much when i'm at work. now that i'm standing at the brink of it all though, remembering the voice of that lady in the train, that moment i quietly sighed and felt a little guilt for a fact there's a voice in my head saying thank god it isn't that bad for me -- i'll take that moment back right now. we all have our bad days.

i guess, here's to working on things we love -- here's to working for a purpose, if that's not the case. a dream house, the future, a coffee shop, traveling around the globe? we've got to start somewhere. 



I would want things to be different than they were. 
The wanting was a wilderness and I had to find my own way out of the woods.
-- Cheryl Strayed, Wild

a stunning feather-like plant i came across at the nursery and i couldn't resist bringing it home. was told that it's a type of succulent, but perhaps it's not, i'm not sure either. but it's such an interesting addition to my little 'garden' at home.

a yellow flower bed Ken and i walked by, Melaka. those are the prettiest chrysanthemums, i think.

waking up to the sun rising from the horizon. the sky was red and orange, this picture i took from where i slept, with my eyes half open doesn't do it any justice. Ken woke me up and said, look outside.

pretty little mess, at the windowsill. heavy rain outside.

a swedish ivy. i've yet to find a nice hanging planter for it but this will do for now. it's struggling a little at the moment with the change of humidity and light, but i think it's gonna be just fine.

spot the black cat.

i had seven days away from work and stayed home most of the time. i love it. scoured through some photos taken over the past month, and Ken gave me some post ideas seeing that recently we made some special purchases to spruce up our place a little - some things we really love having. perhaps more on that soon, but for now,  a glimpse of the past two weeks. to sum it up, the house is a bit of a novice home-gardener-mess at the moment. but i guess i wouldn't have it any other way. the thing about plants, is that figuring out how they thrive and somehow keeping them alive and well is exhilarating. perhaps it's the notion of it all -- they flourish, they keep me intrigued with their tiniest buds and sporadic growth, and they keep the air clean. win-win.



Time really is one big continuous cloth, no? We habitually cut out pieces of time to fit us, so we tend to fool ourselves into thinking that time is our size, but it really goes on and on. 
― Haruki Murakami, A Wild Sheep Chase

a list of recent challenges.
yoga. building up arm strength. trying to 'master' bakasana the right way and hold it as long as i could. trying to get more sleep / waking up late on my off days, i'm a ridiculously early-bird. an aching leg for days, no apparent reason. staying positive at work. missing my little brother. fear for the future. keeping a decent perspective on things. focus.

-- and i'm a thinker. a deep thinker. the worrisome kind. yoga has been a miracle to keep my mind off things, write things down. read more than usual. find inspiring things. this light blue jumpsuit is a merry discovery. that said, i don't think i ever own anything as comfy, i'm living in jumpsuits these days.